He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
