Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize