He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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