Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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