I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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