Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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