Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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