so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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