the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
