Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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