After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
