have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
