Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
