I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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