so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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