$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So many bounce houses so little time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
