what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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