It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
