I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
