he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think people are normalizing furries
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
