I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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