birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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