I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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