Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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