hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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