I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
