i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
