i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
