sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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