my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found puke in my bra..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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