There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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