Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Panties = found
Randomize
