If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
