The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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