If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize