she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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