and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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