No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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