Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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