Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
