those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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