you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
