that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
