That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
