he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
