I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
