just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
