bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
