Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
