She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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