I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
