Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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