i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
