I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
