Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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