She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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