she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
