I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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