but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
