So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
