Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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