If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
