If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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