Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
